I closed my eyes as I felt the warm breeze of the spring evening flow across my face. I tried to take it all
in. This was one of those few moments I had to be alone, to think on my own, and to breathe. To really breathe. I sat on the porch steps where I can feel the
warm sunshine dance across my face, but I do not squint. I stare openly into the distance, that far-off look remaining in my eyes. Nothing except a sigh
overcomes me. And not a sigh of relief, a sigh of the burdens over my shoulders. How did my life get this way? I stretch out and lay against the wooden planks
of the long porch; I pull my arms behind my head and just try to "relax". Relaxation over. The telephone rings, and my disappointment is beyond
belief. I pick up the black ringing object, "Hello...", my tone defeated. The voice of the other line asks back that same question they are all
asking, "What's wrong?" I get so sick of hearing the question, that I never know how to respond. How do I respond when I in fact do not even know
the answer? Where would I even begin….or end?
What in the hell is that noise? I was awaken from the little sleep I
had been getting from some god forsaken noise on my window. I groaned. This could NOT be happening. I opened my eyes just a little to glare at the red numbers
on the clock. 2:33 am. I let my head fall back on the pillow as I tried to drain out the noise. Problem not solved.
*Sigh* I grabbed the blanket off the end of my bed and slowly, quietly tip-toed over to the window, my bare feet chilly on the cold wood floor. I pulled the
blind up all the way and peered down to the lower floor. I saw nothing but darkness. I ran back into my warm bed and when it seemed like I was off in
dreamland, there went that noise again. You have to be kidding. Back over to the window I walked, only this time a man appeared on the lower floor, rocks in
one hand, flowers in the other, and a smile on his face. I wrap my blanket around my shoulders with a content smile taking over my features. I unlock the
window and pull it up as I lean over into the chilly winter night. He is singing, singing one of my favorite songs. He keeps repeating the chorus, singing his
heart out when all I can do is watch this man, at 2:30 in the morning, contently, quietly. Somehow, he always made me love him even more.
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
It never ceased to amaze me that minutes prior the thought of waking up was nonexistent, and here was this man
showing his love...and I could not have been more happy, or in love at the moment.
*End Flashback*
The warm sunshine felt good on my face. I was in my own world, hitting the black phone antennae against my forehead over and over. God, why couldn't anything ever be normal in my world? Why? Why was every thought consumed with questions? 'What if I did this? What if I did that? Would things have been better if I had done this or that? I needed an answer. I needed many answers. I needed my life back. But mainly, what I really needed was him…but I wasn't sure if I was ready to admit it, not even to myself.


